Thursday, December 9, 2010

{Stone Throwing Thursdays}

Apparently I've only blogged once since last Thursday. It's been a little busy and I've been sick so the poor blog has been neglected. But it's Thursday again so let's talk stone throwing.

Aside from being busy, and sick, I've been a little down. It's the end of the year and the goals I had on my list for 2010 have not been accomplished. In fact, this year has been so full of the unexpected that my goals have essentially remained untouched. As much as I know the things I've attended to this year were much more important than the goals I had set I can't seem to help but feel that I've failed. I'm trying not to let it get to me but in these last couple of days it really has.

As many of you have read before, in April, our daughter was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. As I reflect on the year it seems as though time in the rest of the world kept speeding by all around us but we have remained in that moment. We've learned a lot. I mean a LOT. But that has been the focus of my year. Everything else really didn't matter, so I let it go. I don't know why, now, I am feeling like such a failure over not being able to do my list. Especially when I know what I teneded to was right.

6 shots, 8 finger pricks, everyday

So, I'm trying to let go of this failure feeling. Really, if it was time to throw those stones in 2010 God would have made opportunity to throw them. Instead, this year wasn't a time of throwing stones, at least not those particular stones. It's been a time of holding them, waiting for the right moment, and standing strong in the eye of the storm until that time comes. Now, I as I rewrite my goals for 2010 onto my new list for 2011, I still may not know when I'll be throwing those stones but I do know, that I am closer than I was, each day down is another day closer, and I know I haven't wasted my energy on things that I wasn't supposed to be doing and I spent my time, energy and love in the right places. And hopefully I can get this through to myself and get over this failure feeling and use that energy in the right places. I really hate feeling this way. It's like my mind understands and my heart feels like I've failed and I keep asking myself why I couldn't do it all. So, I'm working on that.

Do any of you have stories of going through a time you had specific goals and ideas that you were really excited about but God allowed things in your life that took precedence and you had to wait? Did you finally get your time to throw your stones? If so, how did it turn out? I'd love to hear an encouraging story!

If you're new to Stone Throwing Thursdays click HERE to read what it's all about. I can't wait to read your comments and the blog posts you link up this week! Thanks so much for participating!

1 comment:

Jen said...

I honestly feel that "feelings" are we're attacked the most. We're sensitive there, we learned we're not rational there, and yet we're held by them in such a powerful grip. As an artist I know I need to respect those feelings I have when they come but I also know that they are often misleading. Your mind knows that how you've spent your year's energy was right. You wouldn't want it any other way, you would feel far worse if you let anything on the list of yours preempt the care and attention you've given your family this year and yet you feel like you've failed. That voice of truth song by Casting crowns comes to mind. I know that you did 2010 just right. :)